"You Ex Had Found A New One, What About You?"


I bet everyone has received the above comment before sometime in his or her life. After being single for quite a while, everyone started asking me the same question, “Why haven’t you find a new one? You are still not over him?”

I still cannot quite understand why everyone links the fact of being alone to not being able to move on. It is true that once you have found a new one, it meant that you already moved on, but vice versa? No.

1.  Is being single a torturous thing?

No. It is not… I am enjoying my alone time. To me, this period of time is just perfect for me to realize my own flaws and make myself a better me. I kept saying that, I had grown a lot since my last relationship.

It could be because of my age or it could be because of the experiences that I had been through. I am someone who ponders a lot on my own. So I really did a lot of thinking after the break-up.

I am enjoying the moment, a lot. I realized that there are a lot of things that I could do on my own, and I am greater than what I thought I was capable of.  Other than those once a month period when I become emotional and really hoped that I could have someone to lean on, I am truly, genuinely happy and proud of myself.

I do not need someone by my side so badly. I will take time to improve myself, creating the best of me while waiting for my right one to come along. Until he reaches out to me, I will take a very good care of myself.

2. What if he gets a girlfriend first? Will I be hurt?

Not long ago one of my common friend with my ex, told me this “Your ex already got a new girlfriend. When is your turn?” So I replied, “Good for him. This is not a competition where you see who can get a new one first.”

I don’t know if what my friend said is true since he had completely blocked me off his life. But if it is, I am truly happy for him. The last time I talked to him, he claimed that he hasn’t find a new one, and that he was too busy with his work. But I knew for sure that it wont be long until he got himself another one.

Why do I say that? Because I know him… ? He is headstrong, he is stubborn, he won’t share his stuffs with his friends. But once a girl managed to melt his heart, he will fall head over heels over her. No matter how short the time is.

Some of us who had broken up before might worry “What if the other one find a new one first?  Do I lose out? I will feel so hurt!”

I won’t deny the fact that, the one who find the partner latter will feel the pain first. Even if when it comes to me. To be very honest, I will still feel a little pain if I know that he had found a new one. Who wouldn’t? After all he was someone whom I loved, someone whom I cared for.

But that doesn’t give me a reason to just faster get one before he does so that I don’t feel the pain. It’s okay to feel painful. It proves that we are human and that we really genuinely cared and loved for that person before.

So, yes I will be hurt. But if you compare the feeling of pain and the feeling of happiness, I can bet that I will genuinely feel happier for him more than jealousy. It was all in the past, we all have one, don’t we?

Why feel jealous or angry with someone whom we once truly loved and cared for if he found his happiness first? I felt quite sorry for him to have to put up with my immature nonsense when we were together. I just hoped that he had finally found the right one, cause he deserves it.

3. Everyone says that you haven’t move on yet! You should get one to help you to move on.

No. Just no. No one person in the world deserves to be treated like a substitute. Everyone deserves a right to love and be loved, genuinely.

It’s better to be alone than to be in the wrong relationship. I don’t know when he will appear, but I know he will. I am not in a rush, anyway! Starting my very own project, so gona focus on that. Hopefully it will go smoothly..

Anyway, we really don't have to account to anyone. It's our lives, we make the decisions, not them. We are responsible of our own happiness! 

To end, I just want to tell all of you out there that getting into relationship is not a kind of competition. You won’t be happy from within if you are getting into one for the sake of getting into one.

Forgive yourself and the other party. We were all brought together at some point of time for a reason. They could be just passerby in our lives to teach us and to help us grow, all for our better future.

So, it’s okay if he turned out to be the wrong one. At the very least, all that we ever had was real. And at some point of time, we were their reason to smile, their reason to work hard for.


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