Why I Hardly Seek Help.

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Call me stubborn, but I hardly seek help from someone unless it is really needed/when the help is not really for myself but for something else.

Why? I am not trying to act tough. Instead, I am aware that I am not strong enough, which is why I did not seek help. Irony?

I am someone who is very easy to be emotionally attached to someone. When a person offered his or her shoulder for me to lean on, although not literally, I will be wary. Not because I think they have ulterior motive, often than not, I am wary because I do not wish to be dependent on them.

To be dependent on someone is something very scary. You showed them your weakness and it meant you are giving them a chance to hurt you. I was dependent to people before, but it did not end well. It turned up that those that I opened up to, those that I was vulnerable to, was just a passerby in my life. And then the feeling of lost followed, and you wonder why in the first place you allowed yourself to be dependent on them.

So I learnt to be independent. Because I know that I will never leave or forsaken myself. Because I know that at the end of the day, anyone will hurt you at some point in life, you just got to see who is worth the pain. But at this moment, I want to take good care of myself, I don't want myself to feel any pain.

So when people started to protect me, care for me and think for me, I will get scared. What if I start to be dependent on them? What if they, too, are going to be another passerby? And more what ifs..

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